The Chapman Life

Motivation

Something inside me just clicked.   I don't know how else to explain it.  I saw a show on tv one night, started thinking about running a half marathon, asked for some workout clothes for Christmas, and put one foot in front of the other to start the journey I'm on.  Very little of my motivation is from other people, the encouragement is wonderful and the pats on the back are too, but the hard, cold, fact of achieving this is it is really up to me to make it happen this year.  It's difficult to go down to the basement and get on an elliptical after putting four kids to bed and completing whatever has to be finished at the house each time.  Once I get down there, I'm in it and I love it, but the actual changing into workout clothes, strapping on my tennis shoes, and filling up the water bottle is really tough at 10:00 each night.

So, what do I do to keep my motivation?  I have several crazy things that keep me going.  I listen to country music while I run.  It reminds me that I want to do the half marathon in Nashville and helps me keep my eyes on the prize so to speak.  I have the gift tag that Shannon wrote on with the workout clothes he got me for Christmas.  I have the Olympic metal the boys and I made for our family during the games. I have the count down and number I wore from my first race.  And my favorite right now, I have started a bit of a graffiti wall on the concrete block walls in the basement (with sidewalk chalk).  I put sayings that help me focus and inspirational quotes.  I write the dates of my races and milestone accomplishments like what date I completed my first 100 miles.  I had the boys write and draw a little something for me to see as well.

The main thing I wanted was to keep inspiration in front of me.  I want to be able to look at that wall and have it speak to me to give me what I need at that time to push through and accomplish my goal.  It's taken and will take even more discipline for me to reach it for the fall, but I really want it.  I want it for me, I want to inspire others and give back, but most of all, I want it to be something that my family sees and remembers when they face something tough and remember my accomplishment and know that if mom can do it- they can too.  I hope it gives them the motivation they need to dream big dreams and reach for the stars!  I can't wait to see what they accomplish and celebrate with them just like they are doing with me each day!

The Race

Today was the big day!  I have only been training for about 5 or 6 weeks now, but decided to give the Scenic City 5K a go and registered with a friend about a month ago.  It was very exciting!  Seeing all of the runners and seeing the very serious ones there as well that you knew had done this sort of thing many times before was inspiring to say the least.  A few funny moments with a guy with a British accent warning me that a porter potty didn't lock, seeing guys ready to run the half in nothing but tanks and tiny shorts no one should be wearing unless they were friends with Richard Simmons years ago, and seeing a guy with a stride almost as tall as me and 4 times as long run right by me. 

Today was a day I had planned for, trained for, and anticipated for weeks now, but the lessons that God has taught me today were something I never knew was part of my first 5K.

On the way to the race this morning, I was surrounded by His presence and a renewed knowledge of the good things in my life.  I had two beautiful phone calls, several text messages, poster from my family, and three friends- all showing me how much they support my goals and care about the little things that I dream to do.

We all run a race.  We all dare to journey.  We all have started with small goals and achievements. We all dream to finish strong.  

Life is so difficult sometimes, stressful, harsh, but sometimes we are so consumed with conquering the next hill, we forget the path that has already been laid for us.  The age old hymn, Amazing Grace, played on the radio on my way in this morning.  I've heard that song my whole life and yet today it really took on such a new fresh meaning for my journey.  

So much has been paid for our journey.  So much was given for us to run this race of life.  We have two ways to view every day, we can see it as a "rat race" every moment spent trying to cross another hurdle, trying to beat out what is around us or we can see it as our journey.  Each step preparing us for the next, each lesson learned avoiding the same hurts in the future, each start and finish spurring us to rise to run the next day's race.

If we can see things the way our Father sees them, our view would probably be much deeper and satisfying.  

I think the MSG says it best in 2 Corinthians 4:18, So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

The race today was incredible.  I think it is something I will do many more of and really enjoy this new found piece of my life.  The lessons God showed me through my race today are ones that I treasure and I think will be highlights of His voice for me in 2010.  

My Inside Out...

I have had many moments the last few weeks questioning what the future holds for our family.  We have some very big decisions to make with the boys and school next year.  We have had doors opened that really only God could unlock and yet there are still so many unknowns that we face and things are not as settled as I would like for them to be.  

I think the most difficult part of trying to make these decisions is not allowing the extras to get in the way. Extras whether they be time, money, convenience, or schedule-  It seems that when I am thinking about the upcoming school year, I pray about what God's will is and that His will is really what I want, and with all of that being true and good, I allow the "extras" to cloud my head and heart and crowd out the peace and wisdom God could be trying to show me in answer to my prayers.

I want to get my inside-out.  I want everything that I know and feel to come completely out so that there is room and priority for God's answers to be heard.  I feel confused and distant and yet I know that in His time and in His way, the answers I need will be revealed.

I am committed to the wait, committed to the peace, and committed most of all to finding His heart for my children's future.  No matter if it is this decision concerning their schools or any other we will face as their parents, I want His will and will fight to hear His voice above all the chaos and thoughts that are in my life--from my inside out.

Rest and Refresh

I've been thinking about doing something for a few weeks now and I think I'm ready to commit to it.  I'm not sure why right now, but I often feel like I am swimming upstream and losing sight of my priorities. Granted I think our family has done rather well adjusting to a new baby and the stresses that come with an infant in the house and the already established routines needing evaluation and adaptation.  

Anyhow for one reason or another, I feel it is time to take a rest from my blog and allow myself to be refreshed and refresh those around me personally.

I don't know how long of a rest I will take... could be a few weeks, a month, or maybe the end of the year.  I will be back and I feel that it will be worth the wait for me to come back with new vision, insight, and love for the world I've become all too comfortable in.

Until that day... I pray that you will also seize whatever God surrounds you with to take time to rest and be refreshed for yourself.

Until Then...

It's been a day of mixed emotions for me.  Three years ago today, our little one went to be with Jesus. I have a special keepsake in our bedroom that we got in memory of the baby and I pass by it several times every day.  It brings comfort at times and lonely memories often as well.

Today was different.  I still went through the moments and emotions we faced that terrible day, but this year with Chloe being so small it was very different.  There is still and probably always will be a secret prayer of "God, please don't ever take another one of my children away from me", but there is always that weird peace and comfort I feel so deep in my chest that only a loving God could give to ease such terrible pain as well.

I still have many questions of why it happened, was our little one a boy or a girl, why does this happen to so many people around me, why doesn't the church know how to deal with it, and countless others, but what I honestly know and remember the most is the overwhelming peace I feel.

I pray our little one is dancing around, worshiping their Creator and I know someday I will be able to hold them once again.  Until then my precious baby...

I need this song over and over right now...

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

 -Kari Jobe, "You are for me"

We Needed This!

We have been wanting to get away and "early celebrate" our 10th anniversary for a few months now, but honestly things have been so crazy lately that it kept getting pushed further back on the calendar.  Finally, we are here...together, just us (and Chloe) but even though I'm as big as the whale that swallowed Jonah, we are alone!

It really has been a great couple of days so far and I am so excited we still have some time to catch up with each other.  We've had time to laugh, play, shop, eat, and most importantly...sleep (I think we were both a little sleepless from the last few weeks and we are trying to catch up). 

I love spending time with my husband.  Too often we are so busy and the kids need our attention and energy along with everything else we tend to, but it has been amazing just spending time together.  No schedules, no obligations, no alarms, no to do list; just time together!

Married ten years and you think you know someone pretty well, but both of us are still fascinated learning things about each other and reliving things we love about each other.  I have to admit, he still spoils me and treats me like a princess.  He still has surprises up his sleeves and He is still the man of all my dreams come true!  I love our life.  I love the man I married.  I love what God allows us to conquer and achieve together!

60 Minutes...

Today I had one of the best treats ever.  I cashed in a long overdue gift card at Natural Body Spa downtown for a preggie massage.  It was absolute bliss for 60 minutes.  I went with a special preggie friend as well, which made it even better.  No kidding, I'm not sure if it was actually that wonderful or if my back just hurt that bad, but it was amazing.  I'm already scheming of ways to get another one in July and one in August before I have this baby.  I would have done it with all my pregnancies if I would have known how great they really were.

60 minutes of candles, scented oils, lotions, music, and peace while someone took care of me and I just laid there.  It was amazing!  The best part of the day was being so relaxed when I saw the rest of my family again.  I think it really is true that in order to take good care of all of them I sometimes need to make myself a priority and treat myself to some special TLC.

Warning:  This could become addictive behavior on my part.  :)

Back In The Blogging World

First off, thank you to all who have faithfully stayed with my blog even though I haven't written anything in almost a month.  I have really had a blank for several weeks now and just didn't want to be on the computer very much.  I want to reenlist in the blogging world once again.  I think I just needed a few weeks to process life for the Chapmans inwardly right now.

So, what's what in our world right now?  Well, Jacob is enjoying being off for the summer and our countdown for 1st grade has begun with only 77 days left.  Jonah still loves living in his underoos and is still as unpredictable as ever but his passion for life brightens every day for our family.  Judah went to the doctor today for his 3 wk check up after getting his cast and great news... his leg looked amazing. The bones grew back so well that the doctor didn't go with his original plan of doing another 3 wk cast or even giving us a boot.  He is totally able to be normal now and has even started walking on it this afternoon.  

It was really amazing to me that we have been praying for a miracle and asking God to give us a good report and to heal his leg even more than before he broke it, yet today when they were sending us home to be completely normal, I questioned how safe he would be, how well it was really healed, and how good this so called "Specialist" really was.  It made me think of all the times we ask God for something and when He gives it to us, we want to make it more complicated and don't accept His gifts. Even the gift of His Son, He freely gives us eternal life, peace, love, forgiveness, and security within His presence and many times we question what is really happening and want to make things so much more complicated rather than just accepting His gifts and living life passionately for Him.

It's just like the specialist today assuring me he had passed all his boards and really was one of the best in the area and me saying, "I don't know you enough to fully trust what you're telling me cause I'm this kid's MOM and all".  Just saying, faith is so much more than a Sunday experience.  It comes out in everything we do and say and always shows us as humans in light of a most amazing Creator.  

Anyhow, I give all the praise and honor to the One who made Judah's bones in the first place and I want to say thank you, God, from the bottom of my heart for touching my son in such a real way and molding his small bones back together perfectly!  You truly are amazing!

Learning To Be More Flexible

Last week was absolutely crazy for our family!  Jacob ended up with double ear infections out of the blue and Judah had the worst diaper rash I've ever seen on a baby-he ended up with a prescription cream for $25 to dry his butt out.  So, I changed quite a bit of things around to help our family survive in the midst of our chaotic schedule and responsibilities.

This weekend I planned to do what I had to do in order to take care of the family- body, heart, and mind. I spent a long two hours in the school room late last night getting games, activities, crafts, and papers ready for today's school day.  The boys slept in a bit this morning and everyone seemed to wake up rested, happy, and ready to tackle the day ahead.

It was only a matter of time until the plans for the day would change.  Jacob and Jonah were playing and Jonah fell and hit his head on a corner of furniture.  He comes screaming in and I check his head to find a small chunk, gash, slice (whatever you want to call it) out of his head.  I take him in to see Shannon and we both stand there trying to decide if he needs stitches or not.  We decide to take him over to a friend of ours house (they also have three boys which totally qualifies them for wisdom with stitches, but she's also an emergency room nurse).  She looked for a while and thought it would probably heal on its own, so we left with smiles and a sigh of relief.

On the way home, I am trying to figure out how now that it is almost 11:00 to get the boys settled back in and go to the school room to start everything I had planned for the day.  I open the windows of the car and relax enough to realize how beautiful it is outside today.  I decide to let the boys play for a while outside, get lunch ready and then do school when Judah goes down for his nap.

We end up having an incredible school day today.  I brought the picnic table to the front yard and all the stuff I had prepared and we had a blast in the beautiful weather reading, playing games, doing a science experiment, and painting for our art project.  Our school room is fully decked out for our Ocean unit with jelly fish hanging from the ceiling and an aquarium feel everywhere you look, but nothing can top the beauty of creation in the outdoors no matter what unit we find ourselves in.

I prefer structure over chaos, safety over risk, neatness over filth, and smiles over tears, but I am finding myself learning to be more flexible and no matter what my surroundings are or are becoming I prefer living life to its fullest over what my plans deem the night before.